Anxiety

This may be one of the hardest blog posts for me to write about. Anxiety, is a mental illness, and I don’t like the word mental illness as there is this stigma around it, but that is what it is classified as. I want to put a disclaimer that I am not a doctor, but I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. If you are looking for medical help then this post is not for you, this post is to let you know what I’ve been through, and to let people who are in the same circumstance know they are not alone.

“What is anxiety?” you may ask. Well, there are many different types of anxiety, but the way the Wikipedia defines it is as, “Anxiety disorders are a category of mental disorders characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear, where anxiety is a worry about future events and fear is a reaction to current events. These feelings may cause physical symptoms, such as a racing heart and shakiness.” This is a good start but it doesn’t really give you the whole picture of what it is. The way I explain it as is the nervous feeling you get before you take a test, present in front of a large audience, or go for a job interview, but you multiply that by a hundred. It’s like a jump scare in a scary movie that frightens you and gets your heart racing, but it doesn’t end in a second. Do not get this wrong though a bit of anxiety is a normal human trait, but when it gets to a point where you are in constant anxiety, or have panic attacks among many other anxiety symptoms, that is when it becomes a disorder.

Why does anxiety occur? Medically, I don’t think that there is enough information on it to have a direct answer. The way a doctor explained it to me is that, there is a cute bunny in front of you, but your brain sees a vicious lion. This happens because of a chemical imbalance in your brain, and two main components of your brain that are in charge of stress. I will not go further into that because I am still unaware of all the details. But, anxiety is a part of your body’s “fight or flight” reaction. This reaction was once useful to humans as a long time ago human’s survival methods were much different, for one to survive they either had to run away or stay and fight, but it does not benefit most humans now. Hence, for people with anxiety they still have that reaction engraved into them that puts them in a state of fear. There are many different reasons that cause people to have anxiety, these reasons are called triggers.

Triggers are instances that cause one anxiety. A certain individual can have one or many triggers, and keep in mind that just because this is their trigger does not mean that it will always produce the feeling of anxiety. For instance, a trigger can be crowds, and for an individual to be in a crowd can be extremely difficult. Other triggers include, new environments, presenting, tests, or even certain people can set someone off. From this you can see an array of triggers, and I am for sure missing out on a lot more; but it is important to keep in mind what triggers are.

Every person is different, but anxiety has many different symptoms. Some symptoms can include; difficulties breathing, panic attacks, unable to be still, feelings of being too hot or too cold, or unable to think straight. Once again these are just some symptoms off the top of my head and there are definitely more. If you have these symptoms they may not be related to anxiety, but you should see a doctor and figure out why they are occurring.

At this point I am going to turn the tables and talk about my own anxiety struggle. So, if you don’t want to hear about that, you can exit the page now if you already haven’t.

I have anxiety disorder and panic attack disorder that is linked to my anxiety. Even though they are connected I am going to separate them for the purpose of painting a clear picture.

My anxiety story, where to begin? I’ve had anxiety issues ever since I can remember really. They started off really minor just a feeling of uneasiness, but as I got older it became very obvious that there was something going on with me. I hide the fact that I have anxiety for a really long time, as I was ashamed of it and no one ever talked about it. But, I do not have anything to be ashamed about because anxiety disorder is a VERY common thing, even if it was not common there is nothing shameful about having a disorder. The best way I can paint a picture of how I feel about my anxiety or anxiety in general is that it sucks because you have to go to school with anxiety. Anxiety is like a dark shadow that follows you around all the time. Whether it's sunny or dark the shadow is there. From the minute you wake up to the minute you go to sleep. Sometimes it'll creep into your sleep and disturb your only moments of peace. I am scared to even go to sleep sometimes. Anxiety is scary because it’s always there, but you never know when it will make its presence known. I force myself to get up and go to school every day because I know if I don't get out and try, anxiety will take over my life. So yes, it is a struggle, and some days are a lot harder than others, some days I am perfect, other days I am on the floor having a panic attack, but I have learned how to manage my anxiety. Panic attacks come hand in hand with my anxiety, so I think it is important to tell you about.

During my first year of high school I had a very extreme panic attack, and it was one of the most awful feelings in the world. I thought that it would only be a onetime thing, but little did I know that panic attacks were to become a part of my life. For anyone who does not know what a panic attack is, it is basically a crippling feeling of anxiety, so it becomes very hard to function. The best way for me to paint a visual of a panic attack is, is that you feel like you may die. You can’t breathe so you begin to hyperventilate, the walls close in on you, and everything becomes very blurry. Even though it is your body you aren’t in control anymore, it feels like your lungs will collapse, and you start to shake uncontrollably, sometimes you can’t even hold your own body up anymore. If you are lucky this feeling passes in 10 minutes, but if you are like me you know it can go over and last up to an hour. I have passed out before because of extreme panic attacks, and even hyperventilated so much that I threw up. In grade 10, I couldn’t even be in class because my anxiety got so bad that I would have a panic attack almost every single day. Math class was a place of anxiety for me, I remember having to get up almost once every week and leave in the middle of class because the walls started to close in on me. It wasn’t only math this happened in a lot of my classes, but math was the most serve for me. It was extremely hard trying to focus in class anyways, but it’s even harder to do when you can’t breathe. But, there was a light at the end of the tunnel because I knew that like a book a panic attack does end whether it is in 10 minutes or in an hour there is an end, and I would be okay.

Fast forward to now, I still struggle with anxiety survive with anxiety, don’t get me wrong I still have panic attacks and anxiety, but learning how to manage them is very important. Managing my anxiety has been difficult, but it didn’t have to be. I didn’t see a doctor until I was in grade 10, and it is a choice I regret not doing sooner. So, if you think you may have anxiety, do not wait, go to your doctor as soon as possible so you do not have to suffer. If you are trying to tame your anxiety, and the first medication or activity you try does not help then try again. For me meditation did not help because I would leave it to a point where I wasn’t able to focus, so now I try to go for jogs or runs on days when I am more susceptible to anxiety. Honestly, what works for someone else may not work for you, and that is okay, just don’t give up on trying to find something that works.

If you don’t have anxiety but know someone who does, the most you can do is be there for them. I am so very lucky to have a group of friends who will leave class with me when I have panic attacks to make sure I am okay. They will stay with me all throughout it, until the very end. Having that kind of support system is very important because it lets the person who has anxiety know that they will be in good hands. It’s also important to listen to what your friend needs, if they need fresh air, take them to get fresh air; but if you don’t think they can walk safely enough from point A to point B, then assure them that they will get air as soon as possible. Sometimes you can reduce their anxiety by just listening to what they have to say, if something is stressing them out then listen to them. Trust me when I say being heard can ease one from so much anxiety. Just be there for the person who has anxiety. When I have a panic attack I don’t have to worry about another student finding me on the ground, because I know my friends will handle it. I am very grateful for them for taking care of me time and time again.

I know that this post is getting long, but you can exit it at any time. I wanted to add in that anxiety is not cute. So if you pretend to have anxiety to look cute or gain attention, all I want to ask you is “why”. Anxiety is awful, and I would never wish it upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. After the way I explained it, I think it paints a vivid picture of anxiety, well at least for me it does. Consider yourself lucky to not have anxiety, and if you have anxiety it’s not then end of the world we are in this together.

I would like to point out again that I am not a doctor or even remotely close to being one, but if you want to have a chat or ask questions about anxiety, message me or leave a comment. Anxiety is a part of life, everyone has it just some have it more severe than others, and that is perfectly fine.

Until next time,

Amanda xoxox.